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Thanksgiving Prayer

It’s that time of year again when family obligations come calling, and many of us are pulled reluctantly into social commitments that we care little about. But even in mixed company, you can internally meditate on the true meaning of the season; thankfullness.

Be thankful for your penis. Be thankful for porn. Be thankful for poppers. Be thankful for masturbation. Be thankful for your addiction.

Though Thanksgiving may require us to spend too much time away from the Batehole, don’t forget that Black Friday follows right behind. A day when nobody socializes, because everyone is assumed to be out shopping, engaged in the mad addiction of capitalism. But little do they know, you’ll be at home feeding your powerful penis while they all feed their greed.

Take that special day to be extra thankful to your penis. Bate longer, huff deeper, goon harder, shower your penis in everything it asks for. Commit yourself to showing appreciation and in the process, let Priapus guide you deeper into addiction.

Give thanks to our one true god, and you shall be eternally rewarded.

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