Lost in bate
This morning, I woke up playing with my hard cock. I spent the next two hours playing with myself while browsing Bateword, reading JackinChat posts, surfing through a few Tumblr blogs and having a fantasy or two about male masturbation. I jacked off and shot my load into my cum rag. It’s been a couple of hours since I shot off and I’ve been playing with myself while reading the news and watching an episode of a television program. Now, I am here, back at my computer. I’ve been fondling myself, and I want to jack off again.
My screenname explains exactly what I am. And I know that sometimes the word addict is used as a turn on and some feel that it’s a more negative description. I leave everyone to their own beliefs. Having the word ‘addict’ in my screenname is something I feel strongly about in presenting myself to the brothers here on Batweorld. It is because I am a jack off addict - and that is hot to think about while on my journey to understanding me and masturbation.
Since discovering the deep and beautiful love I have for masturbating, I would indulge in partnered sex if the opportunity came up or during my slut period when I lived in San Francisco. A few years ago, I decided to focus my sex life on masturbation. It was because I love to masturbate and just don’t have any luck in any partnered situation. When my love for masturbation deepend, I boughts books like ‘The Joy of Solo Sex’ and “Men Loving Themselves’ and focused my porn watching on jerk off videos. Anything having to do with male masturbation was purchased or hunted for on the internet. The very idea and act of masturbation was as much a turn on to me than partnered sex. I subscribed to a small zine called JOX that was for guys who were really into masturbation. That was a golden find for me because, still, most men although admitting to masturbating still thought that it was secondary. Reading JOX made my dick so hard, knowing there were other men into male masturbation…I mean, really into it!! The tagline under the title read: 'The magazine for guys seriously into jackoff!’ It was rare if I found erotic fiction focused on male masturbation. 'Wank: The Tapes’ by Lars Eighner was also a golden find. I wrote some stories of my own. I tried to write a journal, but still could not quite put into words how I actually felt about masturbation.
Now, I think I do know how I actually do feel about masturbation. My journey is still ongoing, and I want to share the past few years with you.
On average, I always masturbated 3 or 4 times a day. Over the past few years, i have kind of dropped to twice a day with a rare third. I think that is because I spend more time looking at pictures and videos depicting male masturbation and playing with my cock. Where a session in the past could easily be anywhere from a quickie in the shower before work to an hour and a half of glorious stroking to orgasm, they are now maybe 3 or 4 hours of soaking myself in pictures and videos and BW profiles and blogs and other sites that share the theme of male masturbation. I could not get enough. I would get a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach and a thrilling feeling in my dick when I thought of porn and masturbation and men who love to jack off to porn. I started working a couple of office jobs in addition to my bar job and, slowly, I drifted into a life that involved four things: work, eat, sleep and masturbation. I kept very few social obligations, and, even then, all I could think about was my dick. I didn’t have friends over. I got behind on movies and television shows and books and projects. My house was a mess. I washed dishes if I needed them, I did laundry when I needed something to wear to work, mail and bottles and empty food containers littered my place along with clothes. My cum rag rested at the foot of my desk all day and every day. For my days off, I would make plans to do domestic chores and get out into the world, but I would always end up spending the day masturbating and playing with my dick. I’d play with my dick while eating or watching something on tv between jack off sessions. I would play with myself while walking through my house. My cock and masturbation were always on my mind and I would get frustrated when I would have to go to work instead of staying at home lost in masturbation. I ignored my bills until a notice would show up. One day I looked around and discovered how I had been living for two years and I did not like it. I needed to return to the person I was before my wonderful descent into what I think is called the batehole. I had to make some changes in my life, but I did not want to give up jacking off. So, I started to think.
I was spending so much time during a session because my routine had become stagnant and it took longer to get erections. I loved playing with my soft or semi-hard cock, but I could not maintain an erection during huffs off the brown bottle or in between videos. If I got an erection while I was lounging between jack off sessions, I would just play with myself. I would go back to my computer for another session, and my hard on would come and go. So, I had to find a way to trim 3 or 4 hours down to two hour or ninety minutes. Another thing I thought of was that I had exhaused my findings of men writing about masturbation. Unless a new entry or comment had been made somewhere, I had read and re-read everything I could find involving masturabtion writing. I would have fantasies about male masturbation and they have kept me hard, so I decided to concentrate on my fantasies because they kept me hard and would cause me to ejaculate.
While organizing my masturbation life, I decided to get back into the world. I started to invite friends and co-workers over for dinner; this gave me the initiative to clean my place up and air it out. Yeah, my place smelled like cock, balls and cum. I practiced the reward system where I would reward myself with a nice masturbation session if I had gotten up out of bed on my day off and cleaned the bathroom while doing a couple of loads of laundry or some varying degrees of domestic chores and social obligations. I decided to teach myself Roman cooking, return to the writing and photography/filmmaking projects I let go of.
While I started to turn my life around, I discovered how I actually felt about masturbation: it is something that I truly love. I love to think about it, I love to read about it, I love to watch men get into it and I love that it occupies my mind and makes me feel every movement of my cock. It makes me feel proud to be a man. I found that I became more and more open about masturbation. All of my friends know that I love to jack off, but they don’t know just how deep that love goes. A few people know about my masturbation fetish, but no one knows how out of control I got. One of my friends has always bugged me about not having a boyfriend. Last year I visited him and when he started to bug me again about not having boyfriends, I took his iPad, logged onto Bateworld and showed him my profile. It was then that I had become comfortable using solosexual to describe my sexuality. I have let it be known that I do not seek sex with others or want a relationship…well, unless I get real lucky and meet someone and find out that he is just as into masturbation as I am.
Anyway, I got my house cleaned and found myself getting out of the house to run errands and have fun with my friends. And while I was out doing such things, I found that I really get turned on feeling my cock while I freeball and thinking about masturbation. It’s kind of like playing with myself. I sometimes wonder if I am the only guy on the bus or on the street corner or in the store that is thinking about his dick and jacking off. Good fantasies do come of this sort of dick play and I can carry it as far as I want when I get home and get to stroking my cock. Life was good, not only because I found a balance to everyday living and masturbating but because I know how I feel about masturbation. And then came May of this year…
I relapsed. I shut myself back in my house and would spend all my time off masturbating. I was not as bad as before, as I kept up on some social engagements and kept my bills paid. But my house again got messy. I thought it was a good way to celebrate Masturbation Month. I thought that on June 1st, I would get up and get back to keeping a clean house and laundry washed and folded…but that didn’t happen. A new crusty cum rag was on the floor next to my desk. My relapse lasted to the end of July. Yet, I’m not beating myself up about tripping up. I had a good time. And I think that it helped me to try to be more open in other areas of my masturbation, such as being more receptive to chat invitations in order to meet more solosexuals like myself. I’m taking baby steps.
I’m thinking that my time spent in the batehole and my relapse was sort of something I had to experience in accepting my solosexuality and devotion to jacking off. Maybe those years of addiction and then changing things up was a way to think about what a masturbation lifestyle could be. I don’t think of having a masturbation lifestyle as laying around your place and masturbating all the time. I think that there is a masturbation culture slowly building itself in this world, a culture where solosexuals are friends with other solosexuals and not only on a sexual level. True friends, not just bourne of the male bonding aspect of masturbation. We already have Bateworld, and what if there is more?
Now that I’m recovering from my relapse, I find that even though I still masturbate everyday and keep my house neat I use one of my off days to dedicate to playing with my dick and jacking off - like today. And I still use the reward system from time to time even though I have focus on living a fuller life. I use it to keep me in check.
Man, I love masturbating and masturbation so fucking much!! All of my fantasies are all about hardcore jack off addicts - men who can’t stop thinking about and touching their dicks; men who get satisfaction only from jacking off and not mutual masturbation or frottage; men who get off on masturbation. It’s what really turns me on!
I’ve been playing with myself the whole time I’d been writing this down, so I’m going to go spend some more time with my dick. Thanks for reading and I invite comments.
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@camjockva enjoying some hotel bate.
Been watching this dude for quite a few years. If you don’t know him, you should :)